i made a new tumblr.
i have no fucking clue..
that night i had to leave. it was raining. i should have said yes. but i said no. why the fuck did i say no. i had one more chance to be with him for at least another night, and i didnt take that oppurtunity. that was the last night. that day i could tell was our last. he kept taking pictures of me, and his laughs they were different. on our way home he looked worried. he started telling me about his life when he was younger, and told me everything will be okay in my life. i regret everytime i was mean to him bc i was in a bad mood. and everytime i left to hang out with my friends and do stupid shit rather than spending my last times with him. i was running away bc it was to painful. it was sad. i knew things were coming to an end and instead of making things good while they lasted i kept running away. whenever he knew i was coming over he would always buy mountain dew and skittles. bc they were my favorite and still are. he knew things would come to an end one day. but he didnt wanna break my heart until he had to. when i was in the passengers seat of his truck, i told him i didnt want to leave. i knew. before he even told me. i was so young but so smart. i knew it. i knew it. i couldnt stop him but i knew and it killed me inside that i couldnt do not one fucking thing. i drank that cup of mountain dew as slow as i ever have, just to have a couple extra seconds with him. my stomach hurt to bad to even eat the skittles, so i put them in my bag. the years after he was gone just got harder and harder, until i thought i couldnt handle it anymore. i asked god why every night for years, not receiving one answer. and i still havent..til this day.
asked my stepdad out the window why the grass dissappeared.
i asked him out the window cuz i was in my room, sick :/ and we have no grass bc of my psycho dogs.
i feel different lately. like something important to me is fading away, and im starting to get used to it fading away and i dont want that. recently everything just changed. in like a week. things just feel..different. i feel like something i want to work wont work because it will be to difficult. somebody will get hurt. i feel like im hurting someone right now. i just feel so guilty.
i was talkingg to fred adter school on monday and i got attacked by a bee and my foot got stuck to the ground, it was so funny. We were talking about how clumsy i was and he was sayin it was cute, and i hugged him and walked away, and as i was walking away i walked out of my shoe and when i turned around to get it he was laughing lol! i was like omg woow really, lol.
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